Health & Happiness.

This week I did something that I never thought I would actually do, I only went and joined the bloody gym!

fc2a9607d32b3cbd6bdee811e662aa81So, I’m all for self love etc etc. this is of course extremely important especially in a society where you are expected to fit into certain boxes to be deemed attractive, and I can not stress enough that this whole expectation has not had even the slightest influence on my decision to work out.

As someone who has spent the majority of their life wanting to cry every time I looked in the mirror, someone who was rejected by boys I liked on the basis that I was ‘too ugly’, someone who was bullied throughout what feels like my entire school life, I have always had the strongest feelings of hatred towards my body, as I’m sure many of you have. These feelings have been conjured up by the media and what they portray as ‘beauty’ and only recently have I done a complete one eighty and have embraced my body’s rebellion against society’s expectations.

In the last year or so, I feel like I have reached my ‘final form’ so to speak and I’ve developed a way of dressing that suits my body type, fits into my style and allows me to feel comfortable at any occasion. Corr I sounded like an advertisement for some shaping underwear just then….Anyway, I have learnt to appreciate my curves and learn how to emphasize them in all the right ways. So, why have I joined the gym?

I have joined the gym for a few different reasons, the first one being the most obvious; health. The women in my family who I seem to take after physique-wise, were all quite barrel-like and many of them have experienced health problems due to this. On top of this, I have scoliosis which has been known to worsen when a person gains a significant amount of weight, also I’m just generally REALLY unfit and would like to walk up three flights of stairs without feeling like all the oxygen has been removed from the world.

The second reason I have started working out is for my own happiness. So, I am aware that I will always be a curvy lady and I’m completely, 100% okay with that however, I would really love it if certain parts of my body could be slightly less jelly-like and more toned. I have a huge butt, seriously, and I am actually quite happy with that but it wobbles just a tad too much for my liking.

The third and final reason is for my mental health. Joining the gym has given me an extra hobby and something to do when I’m bored; luckily the gym is just down the road from me and is open 24/7 so I can pop along whenever I fancy. Once I have completed a gym session there is a feeling of achievement and my mind is often a lot more refreshed and clearer. I can not stress enough how great it is for everyone to partake in activities that work towards an end goal, it can be the boost that everyone needs.

Most gyms will offer day passeswhich is what I did as a taster, so if you fancy giving it a go I can not recommend it enough. I often find it hard to get motivated to exercise but I have found that going with a friend can really spur me on and make the whole experience more relaxed and a right giggle.

I’m looking for new routines so let me know if you have any, I would love a bit of variety! Maybe I will also update you all on my progress.

B.Viper

Going Sober.

Today I have decided to begin a month of sobriety.

giphy

As most of you will probably know by now, I suffer with mental health problems. I haven’t discussed this in too much detail on my blog, instead I have spoken about things that affect my mental health or things that are affected by it and this post is going to be very much a long those lines.

Anyone who takes anti-depressants on a regular basis will know that the majority of the time you are advised not to drink alcohol whilst medicated however, if like me, there is a high possibility that you will be on these tablets for a long time, if not the rest of your life, you are often able to begin to introduce alcohol little by little back into your life. This is what I have been trying to do but unfortunately, I have given up.

Every time I have a drink, whether it’s just one or maybe a few, I will wake up the next morning feeling awful. I instantly feel symptoms of anxiety creeping up on me and some days it can even bring my depression up to the surface. We all know that alcohol is a depressant so it’s no surprise really that this happens. For a while, I kept adjusting how much and what I was drinking, in an attempt to discover my limit but I kept waking up the following day feeling like everything was too much to handle.

I have come to the conclusion that whilst I’m in a situation where my mental health is slightly un-stable and my body is getting used to the medication I am taking, I need to lay off the booze. This has brought me to the decision that I shall be going sober from a month starting today.

It’s going to be an interesting journey and I’m not sure how it will pan out but what I do know is that I need to look after myself and alcohol is not assisting in that. An extra bonus to this is that hopefully I will save some money!

I will post on here after the month and summarise how it was and my next steps. If you are sober, straight edge or have had any experience with giving up drinking I would love some advice!

Thanks for reading & have a fabulous day/night/evening!

 

Picking up the Pieces.

Today is going to be a bit of a heart to heart. I haven’t blogged in a while and this post should hopefully explain some of the reasons why.

Some of you may, or may not know that I suffer with mental health problems. Unfortunately, this does not mean that I just feel a bit anxious sometimes or I get down in the dumps. I suffer quite intense mental health problems. Over the last year, I have struggled with my mental health more than ever before. I was officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety around July 2016 and was advised to take anti-depressants. I was also offered six free counselling sessions through my work which I could not have been more grateful for.

It’s eight months on and I’m finally beginning to feel like myself again; I have been back at work and I must say, I’ve thrown myself into it. Some people might think that I’m pushing myself too much however, I’m really loving feeling good again and I want to make the most of it.

Today, hasn’t been great. I received a rejection from a job that I had applied for, a job that I REALLY wanted. I had tried so hard at the interview and gave almost all I could, as you do in an interview, but unfortunately, it just wasn’t my time.

I had a cry of course, all the thoughts ran through my head like ‘All of that effort was for nothing.’ but, it wasn’t for nothing. It would be so easy for me to be disheartened about the whole situation but, this is not what is going to happen. I’m going to pick myself up and get on with it. I’m hoping more than anything that this will give me something to work on and I can use this opportunity to progress.

I have always been a strong believer that things happen for a reason and I’m sure there is a reason why this wasn’t my time, hopefully this will come to light eventually. Maybe there’s a publisher just waiting to pick up my book idea?! Haha, wishful thinking there!

Either way, if I look at this situation as a whole, it’s not ideal but, it’s amazing to see how far I have come. A few months ago I was so in the dark that I couldn’t see the light; now I’m able to pick myself up and look at the positives, this in itself is a massive achievement!

I have never really posted anything this personal on my blog however, I want anyone who is having a hard time to know that it can get better, you just have to be patient and persistent. You can do it!

If anyone needs any advice or just someone to listen, feel free to drop me a message. There’s nothing more rewarding than knowing that you can be there for someone in their time of need.

xXx

Inside Out; My Thoughts & Theories

Do you ever get that feeling after you’ve watched, read, seen or even heard something and you just want to talk to everyone about it instantly? I really want this blog to be a space where I can express myself and discuss anything that may be of interest to me, and although this post may seem off topic, it touches on a few things that I am currently dealing with so I’m going to take the plunge.

Yesterday I saw an advert for Disney Pixar‘s film, Inside Out, and told my boyfriend that it has been on my ‘to watch’ list for a while. I had heard great things about it so, last night we sat down together and watched this animated, children’s film. It’s generally unlike me to actively watch an animation, especially when it’s target audience is about ten years younger than me, but there was just something about this film that caught my attention.

Riley is an eleven year old girl and she is also our main character. Her life is turned upside down when her parents decide to pack up and move away. Riley has to leave behind her friends, her school, her beloved hockey team and is expected to start from
scratch. Inside Out is ariley-sass-inside-out creative twist on how the mind works and we see that inside the character’s brains there are human-like creatures representing each emotion. There’s Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust and they each control how Riley is feeling. It turns out that everyone’s brains work in the same way; all controlled by these beings that represent different emotions.

Throughout the film we witness how different emotions affect our memories and we are very cleverly shown how the absence of certain emotions can alter our behaviours. As an audience, we begin to notice that a lot of the situations that occur in Riley’s mind are due to the simple fact that she is growing up and surprisingly, this was tough to watch. Personally, I associated the way that Riley was feeling with my own mental health; when she began to feel that particular emotions were no longer present in her day to day life, I related to that feeling. This is often how I can feel when I’m having a bad day with my mental health, whether that’s anxiety, depression or just generally feeling shitty: Sometimes I feel like my own personal ‘Joy’ will never return! It may not have been the creators’ aim to touch upon mental health, but I think everyone can interpret this film in their own way and this is what I took away from it.

bgrpj

Overall, Inside Out made me extremely thoughtful and resulted in reviewing how I deal with my own emotions. It is such a clever film that had us on the edge of our seats; it was engaging, intriguing and just a brilliant watch. I would highly recommend it to everyone.

xXx